Question:
Q. I saw an ad that said some high-school girl and her horny girlfriends got silly one night and took a bunch of naked pictures of themselves playing with vaccum cleaner parts. They say it’s free and totally natural and unrehearsed. Should I believe them? A. Absolutely! Yes, these sites are free, totally trustworthy and one of the best ways to strike it rich on the net. Firstly, join their mailing list to ensure that your email address is distributed free of charge to OVER 500 000 similar sites – YES it is true!!! Submit to over half a million mailing lists for FREE with just one click. This is an important step in your accumulation of vast wealth. Secondly, enter your credit card number to view the FREE pictures. This is for age verification purposes only. Pornog . . . uh, adult entertainment specialists adhere to strong ethical and moral principles, not least of which is the protection of children. Q. Isn’t that a contradiction? I mean the ad claims that these are high school girls?? A. Yes, it isn’t. They are no younger than the minimum average age calculated as the percentage of qualifying candidates older than specified under the charter included in Chapter 7 of the Adult Entertainment Authority pertaining to non-specific lower age restrictions as recently redefined by Appendix C of the State Regulatory Board’s recommendations on nudity involving household appliances. I hope this answers your question. Now Go Get Rich!
Response:
Q. I saw an ad that said some high-school girl and her horny girlfriends got silly one night and took a bunch of naked pictures of themselves playing with vaccum cleaner parts. They say it’s free and totally natural and unrehearsed. Should I believe them? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -CT, SAF wrote in message <7qhn28$6l…@nnrp01.ops.uunet.co.za>… >Welcome to the Total Idiot’s Guide to Internet Success! >Let’s begin: >Q: How long will it take me to get insanely rich? >A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month. >Q: Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich? >A: No. This is the internet. >Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich? >A: Yes. This is the internet. >Q: How do I proceed? >A: As you’re surfing around the net you’ll see banners and links that say >things like "Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click Here to See >How!" Simply click the link to get started. >Q: It won’t really take ninety days though, will it? >A: Don’t be silly. They just say that so you’ll be pleasantly surprised and >so it doesn’t sound like hype. >Q: Okay, I’ve found one that says "Retire to Your Own Caribbean Isle in One >Month!" Is that good? >A: Perfect. >Q: What does MLM mean? >A: Nobody really knows. Morons Lose Money has been snidely suggested by the >little-brains. >Q: I signed up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it’s the easiest >thing to sell because everyone uses a phone. And since it’s MLM, by the time >my third level is operating I’ll be making $345,915.45 per week. >A: Conservatively. >Q: They say the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why is my >sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers? >A: Your sponsor is a shrewd business person. People with any sort of memory >disorder make the best targ . . . uh, clients. You can switch your mother’s >long distance carrier for her, and then start calling the other members of >her support group. >Q: That sounds a little fishy. >A: The ends justify the means. You are offering people substantial savings >on long distance. It’s for their own good. >Q: How else can I get new business? >A: Spam. Spam. Spam. >Q: I thought spam was bad. >A: No, spam is good. Anyone who says it’s bad is just jealous because his >brain is too small. >Q: But won’t I lose my web host and ISP? >A: In the get-rich-quick business, it’s important to cultivate a zen-like >non-attachment to service providers. >Q: What else can I do to promote my new business? >A: Here’s a list of suggestions: >–Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with zany colors >and flashy banners. >–Join every free banner exchange. >–Get your own free-for-all links page. >–Join every opt-in email list with the word Money, Rich or Lackwit in the >title. >–Buy software that submits your site URL to the 15,000 most important >search engines. >–Buy software that submits your ad to the 50,000 most-read free classified >sites. >–Buy software that submits your link to the 100,000 most popular >free-for-all link pages. >–Hire a bulk emailer. >–Sponsor a golf tournament. >Q: Okay, I’ve done all that and I’m still not rich. I haven’t even driven my >hitcounter to its knees yet. What am I doing wrong? >A: It’s possible that you’re not very bright. Consult one of your friends >who has retired on her internet earnings. >Q: What if I don’t have any friends who have retired on their internet >earnings? >A: Then contact someone on the internet who has retired on his internet >earnings. >Q: What if I’ve never heard of anyone retiring from his internet earnings? >A: Well, then maybe you can be the first. >Q: You’re pulling my leg, right? >A: Oops! Sorry, I thought FAQ stood for Facetiously Answered Questions! >Never mind. >Source: Hypermart Newsletter >Tuesday, August 31 1999