Golf Infomercials: funnier than sitcoms…

Question:

i saw the air hammer infomercial too, they guy had a orgasm every time he hit the ball. but seriously, how can they sell that driver if its not usga approved? (i noticed the disclaimer at the end)

It is only against the rules of certain golf organizations, therefore not approved for use in tournaments abiding by those rules. It is, however, not illegal (as in…against the law). Go to other people’s funerals; otherwise they might not come to yours. Yogi Berra

Response:

Hey let’s keep this thread going because I’ve had it with the gimmicky crap out there and the sooner people realize it’s crap, the sooner we can get the snake oil salesmen out of our face. Speaking of which, I love the fact that these guys spend thousands on guys who know absolutely nothing about golf. For example Fran Tarkenton endorsing King Kong — You loved him in That’s Incredible now buy a $200 club from him. You’d think this was a joke, just goes to show the world is full of stupid people. What about Wink Martindale doin the Gyro 7, and some motor oil. Who thinks this up? Tarkenton is not good for golf or that treadmill he endorses. brian

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I have figured out how I am going to make a run at the Senior tour. I am currently an 8 handicap. First, I am going to get a SAM 2000 which is going to cut my handicap in half. Greg Norman’s Secret ought to be worth another couple strokes which gets me down to a 2 and John Daly’s swing trainer should get me to scratch. The Tear Drop Putter ought to get me shooting under par then all I have to do is decide between the Air Hammer, Killer Bee Titanium, or B2B Titanium driver, throw in The Glove for good measure and I’ll be shooting in the mid 60s in no time. If I really want to get serious about it, I may just buy the Gravity Golf course and then I’ll really be in business. Come to think of it, why wait for the Senior Tour. John

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Don’t forget to throw in a few Alien Ultimate Wedges for good measure. Seriously though, the John Daly commercial/product really cracked me up when I saw it. — Brian Alletto

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You forgot the bracelets and magnets… — Larry Ludwick http://home1.gte.net/lludwick/index.htm

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Forget about that handicap John, just think of how long your drives will be. Take me for example: I own a Taylor Made Ti Bubble 2 and I drive the ball constantly 285 plus/minus 15 yards. Now if I buy the Killer Bee I should get at least 15 more yards, especially with that bullwhip shaft and the Boron Coil Flex Rings (more like "Moron" Coil Flex Rings) and step downs, not to mention that it will be straighter too. OK, now I’m hitting 300 yards. It’s time to move on to the King Kong Driver, the one where I can swing "as hard as I want to." That’s because of the Harrison Ultra Lite shaft. They also claim that your ball will go longer over what you are currently using. So lets say I add 10 yards. Now I’m hitting 310 yards, and still in the fairway, remember this driver goes straighter too!!! The moment we’ve all been waiting for, the AIR HAMMER arrives via FedEx, I needed it today. With all of the hype it does not disappoint, I get an unbelievable 25 extra yards off the tee, and of course it goes into the fairway. Now I’m hitting 335!!! After hitting 50+ balls with it at the range I realize that if I start yelling "POW!!!" every time I hit the ball it goes another 10 yards. Now I’m all the way up to 345 yards, and still straight of course!!! Then I see the promo for the John Daly Power Groove. It "guarantees" 20 more yards off the tee!!! Wow, 365 yards. Now Snake Eyes is running adds that guarantee that you will hit the ball longer and straighter with their club than yours. I’ve already maxed out the driving for all intents and purposes but hey, it must add 5 yards Of course it too will go straighter. 370 yards!!! Maybe some day they’ll come out with a club/contraption so that I can hit driver, and then Tear Drop on the par 5’s!!! Hmm… how about some of those 110 compression "distance" balls, or even oversized so that it goes even straighter. Soon, my trajectory will be studied by physicists and become the worldwide standard for straight. You will look in the dictionary and see a picture of my ball in flight… Christian Kiely P.S. I wish I had a "short game" But, if all goes well I won’t need it!!!

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I don’t know why, but I get totally engrossed by these moronic commercials. To add some humor to the list I’d like to give my ratings: The absolute funniest and most ridiculous one is an infomercial that I just saw yesterday. It is for a driver called the "AIR HAMMER." It’s a driver that six holes in the front of it, "power ports", or something like that. All of the channels meet in the back to one exhaust hole. It is supposed to reduce coefficients of drag blah blah blah and increase clubhead speed. As with all driver infomercials it is imperative to say that the ball will go longer and straighter. The guys who are promoting it are: Dan Majerle (sp?) of the Miami Heat and Gary Plummer (sp?) of the 49ers. I swear that at the angle they show the shots at all of Majerle’s shots are heading straight for the woods Wouldn’t that be illegal, because you can’t have holes through the club face. They’ve got this guy Jack Hamm, the Guinness Book of World Records Holder for the longest drive, who yells "POW!!!" every time he hits the ball, and I swear that all of his hook/draw. He’s got a clubhead speed of 160+ mph. Of course, it is requisite that infomercials have some guy with a mail order degree telling you about physics and golf, this one does not disappoint. How could I forget the "smart shaft" Also in contention is the Tear Drop Putter. The putter with the "roll face" and "aerofin design." The putter that is "tour proven" because Bret Ogle (sp?) won the Hawaiian Open, or something, using this putter. Memorable quote, "I couldn’t have done it without Tear Drop." The Killer Bee driver: lots of buzzwords and slogans. The "bullwhip shaft", "P-A-R, Parabolic Arch Reinforcement", "Boron Coil Flex Rings." I think what I hate most about it is the campy atmosphere, passing it off as if they were just filming the show. I think this one’s got one of those physics guys too. Yeah, but they have the cool guy who swings the 8FOOT driver, and they don’t show wear it went because he shanked it very badly. Then they have a guy swing really slow with his Ti Bubble, and then the guy just hauls with the killer bee. Then you get Rocky Thompson to give his speech about PAR while the ball rolls on the ground. The King Kong Driver, c’mon. This thing looks horrible. Talks about how you can swing as hard as you can because it’s got some special Harrison Shaft that was used in the North American Long Driver championship. Don’t get me started with the Fairway Woods infomercials: the Gyro 7 and the Tight Lies!!! The Gyro 7, the one with the Nike Tour pro, not even a NIke Tour winner? Thats great. Christian Kiely brian

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I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t ever want to see these infomercials disappear. I don’t care if all of the products are crap or if Gary Coleman is the celebrity endorsing them. It seems that everytime I can’t go to sleep at night or I’m home early in the day looking for something on television, I can find one of these infomercials. And I’ll watch the same ones over and over. I love watching anything golf. And, not having The Golf Channel, I don’t have nearly enough access to golf related programming. So, even if I have to watch Bob Eubanks talk about the Viper Bite Wedge with it’s amazing new carbite technology, I’ll watch it.

Besides, it beats the "I used to be fat but now look at me" infomercials and the "old fart with a young wife and a juicer and look how healthy and virile I am" infomercials all to hell. If I had one of those juicers, I’d lose 20 lbs. too, from the constant diarrhea all that smashed up fruit would give me. I wonder how many hours a day that old fart is in the john. At least the Killer Bee doesn’t have Rocky Thompson running to all the porta pots on the Sr. tour…. — "Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one." –Martha Beckman

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A warning to anyone who might be persuaded to purchase the John daly Power Groove that has been advertised lately in 30 minute infomercials, NOT! I recently ordered one for our clubs driving range… I thought it would be helpful for our members. Well to put it mildly, it is a worthless training aid. In fact, nobody that tried it never thought it would be of any benefit to them and at the end of week one with minimal use the darn swivel clamp broke and it is now toast. Monte Comeau Salmo Golf Club

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Sounds like a good plan, John. The only flaw I can detect is that I don’t think the "air hammer" driver meets USGA standards. If that’s true, you can’t use it in tournaments. Solve that problem and I will expect to see you on the leader board of many future tournaments. Chet — | CHESTER S. BOWLES | Education, rehabilitation, housing, | | Vice President | and managed care for children, | | Crotched Mountain Foundation | adolescents and adults with physical | | One Verney Drive | and developmental challenges. | | Greenfield, NH 03047 | http://www.cmf.org |

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Excerpts from netnews.rec.sport.golf: 2-Aug-97 Re: Golf Infomercials: Hey let’s keep this thread going because I’ve had it with the gimmicky crap out there and the sooner people realize it’s crap, the sooner we can get the snake oil salesmen out of our face. Speaking of which, I love the fact that these guys spend thousands on guys who know absolutely nothing about golf. For example Fran Tarkenton endorsing King Kong — You loved him in That’s Incredible now buy a $200 club from him. You’d think this was a joke, just goes to show the world is full of stupid people.

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I `ve got a little SECRETE for you. I was one of the chosen few who got the opportunity to do an infomercial for the legendary Greg Norman SECRETE. What an incredible experience it was, getting up at 5am, driving 2 hours, hitting balls for 45 min. in 156 degree heat( Fla. in July) only to go stand in the middle of the fairway( a place I haven`t seen much lately) in the same heat , for 7 hours.SEVEN looooong hours of waiting for batteries, waiting for film, and waiting for one person to do 48 takes of "My handicap has gone from 99 to 4 in only 4 days". This is exaggerated( I don`t want to get sued), but there was some fantastic testimony, all of which , was created by the cast , not the film crew. In defense of the film crew, they wanted true testimony and were willing to help you organize your thoughts, if needed. I also had visions of playing the great Medelist golf course….NOT. Then surely I would get to meet the Great White Fish…NOT. He / They decided that Mr.( how to choke in the final round of a major championship) Norman would be more comfortable inside(who wouldn`t) and that they would superimpose his image so it would look like he was there. Well, most certainly, Mr. Fish would at least come outside and say thank you….NOT. So , on one of those nights when you can`t sleep, and it`s 3 in the morning and you`ve got the Golf Channel on, and you see me telling my SECERTE story, remember that the man I`m talking to does not own a 30 million airplane(Yes I`m jealous), did not shoot 78 and blow a 6 shot lead at Augusta. The man that I`m talking to was holding a clipboard , had a mustard stain and said "SECERTE testimony …take 196"

Response:

Wouldn’t that be illegal, because you can’t have holes through the club face.

Sure it would, but since when has that stopped "sportsmen" from seeking any advantage they can get? How about all those Major League baseball players who have corked their bats over the years?

Response:

i saw the air hammer infomercial too, they guy had a orgasm every time he hit the ball. but seriously, how can they sell that driver if its not usga approved? (i noticed the disclaimer at the end) It is only against the rules of certain golf organizations, therefore not approved for use in tournaments abiding by those rules. It is, however, not illegal (as in…against the law).

You must sell unapproved golf gear for a living to come up with a rationalization like that! It’s not the "rules of certain golf organizations", it’s the rules of the governing body of the sport in this country, the organization that MAKES THE RULES that all other organizations follow! I have never met a decent golfer who would carry an unapproved club or allow his opponents to use one in a round. Of course they are not against the law. Why don’t you get some sort of legal golf ball cannon and carry that in your bag, too. I mean, just because they are "against the rules of certain golf organizations" doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use one in nonsanctioned casual rounds with your friends. Gary McGaughey

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Yeah, that one was almost worth a look. !!POW!! You left out the SAM 2000 or whatever the swing plane hoop thingy is called. And what about Greg Norman’s Secret? And let’s not forget Automatic Golf. Who says yellow pants went out with Johnny Miller? Of the bunch the Tight Lies is probably the best product. At least I have heard people say consistently good things about it. There’s something redeeming about advertising a fairway wood with a steel shaft, anyway. As far as the Tear Drop goes, I think it’s funny that they’re hanging their hat on Bret Ogle. Yes he did win one event, but then he got his butt kicked on the PGA TOUR and is now back in Australia trying to collect his bearings. He has talent, I guess, but the poor fellow was overwhelmed. -joseph

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I don’t know why, but I get totally engrossed by these moronic commercials. To add some humor to the list I’d like to give my ratings: The absolute funniest and most ridiculous one is an infomercial that I just saw yesterday. It is for a driver called the "AIR HAMMER." It’s a driver that six holes in the front of it, "power ports", or something like that. All of the channels meet in the back to one exhaust hole. It is supposed to reduce coefficients of drag blah blah blah and increase clubhead speed. As with all driver infomercials it is imperative to say that the ball will go longer and straighter. The guys who are promoting it are: Dan Majerle (sp?) of the Miami Heat and Gary Plummer (sp?) of the 49ers. I swear that at the angle they show the shots at all of Majerle’s shots are heading straight for the woods They’ve got this guy Jack Hamm, the Guinness Book of World Records Holder for the longest drive, who yells "POW!!!" every time he hits the ball, and I swear that all of his hook/draw. He’s got a clubhead speed of 160+ mph. Of course, it is requisite that infomercials have some guy with a mail order degree telling you about physics and golf, this one does not disappoint. How could I forget the "smart shaft" Also in contention is the Tear Drop Putter. The putter with the "roll face" and "aerofin design." The putter that is "tour proven" because Bret Ogle (sp?) won the Hawaiian Open, or something, using this putter. Memorable quote, "I couldn’t have done it without Tear Drop." The Killer Bee driver: lots of buzzwords and slogans. The "bullwhip shaft", "P-A-R, Parabolic Arch Reinforcement", "Boron Coil Flex Rings." I think what I hate most about it is the campy atmosphere, passing it off as if they were just filming the show. I think this one’s got one of those physics guys too. The King Kong Driver, c’mon. This thing looks horrible. Talks about how you can swing as hard as you can because it’s got some special Harrison Shaft that was used in the North American Long Driver championship. Don’t get me started with the Fairway Woods infomercials: the Gyro 7 and the Tight Lies!!! Christian Kiely

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Did you ever notice on the gyro seven ifommercial every time someone hits the ball some idiot yells "GET IN THE HOLE, BALL" and of course the ball lands 3 ft from the hole from 175 yards every time. I think the best quote from the tear drop putter infomercial is when Brett Hogle says "This putter saved my career".

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I too sometimes end up watching these things, for entertainment purposes. I keep saying to my partner in my league, "Give me the Killer Bee Driver, the Tightlies Fairway Wood, the Alien Wedge and the Teardrop putter and I’ll be a scratch golfer in no time. Each one says it’s gauranteed to take strokes off your game." Now if they could only come out with a revolutionary 7 iron to complete the set. Notice now how Taylor Made has their own informercial? — Bob Bentley (Those views or opinions expressed do not reflect those of my employer)

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Any comments from our golf physicians on the TM infomercial content ? dave

www.taylormadegolf.com The question has been answered their by a staff engineer, I think it is in the "About Taylor Made" section of the site. Chrisitan Kiely

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I don’t know why, but I get totally engrossed by these moronic commercials. To add some humor to the list I’d like to give my ratings: The absolute funniest and most ridiculous one is an infomercial that I just saw yesterday. It is for a driver called the "AIR HAMMER." It’s a driver that six holes in the front of it, "power ports", or something like that. All of the channels meet in the back to one exhaust hole. It is supposed to reduce coefficients of drag blah blah blah and increase clubhead speed. As with all driver infomercials it is imperative to say that the ball will go longer and straighter. The guys who are promoting it are: Dan Majerle (sp?) of the Miami Heat and Gary Plummer (sp?) of the 49ers. I swear that at the angle they show the shots at all of Majerle’s shots are heading straight for the woods They’ve got this guy Jack Hamm, the Guinness Book of World Records Holder for the longest drive, who yells "POW!!!" every time he hits the ball, and I swear that all of his hook/draw. He’s got a clubhead speed of 160+ mph. Of course, it is requisite that infomercials have some guy with a mail order degree telling you about physics and golf, this one does not disappoint. How could I forget the "smart shaft" Also in contention is the Tear Drop Putter. The putter with the "roll face" and "aerofin design." The putter that is "tour proven" because Bret Ogle (sp?) won the Hawaiian Open, or something, using this putter. Memorable quote, "I couldn’t have done it without Tear Drop." The Killer Bee driver: lots of buzzwords and slogans. The "bullwhip shaft", "P-A-R, Parabolic Arch Reinforcement", "Boron Coil Flex Rings." I think what I hate most about it is the campy atmosphere, passing it off as if they were just filming the show. I think this one’s got one of those physics guys too. The King Kong Driver, c’mon. This thing looks horrible. Talks about how you can swing as hard as you can because it’s got some special Harrison Shaft that was used in the North American Long Driver championship. Don’t get me started with the Fairway Woods infomercials: the Gyro 7 and the Tight Lies!!! Christian Kiely

i saw the air hammer infomercial too, they guy had a orgasm every time he hit the ball. but seriously, how can they sell that driver if its not usga approved? (i noticed the disclaimer at the end)

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<marketing mumbojumbo missing Notice now how Taylor Made has their own informercial?

Is this the one where they have two clubs attached to a device as pendulums, then compare the period of oscillation ? I have watched it closely and it doesn’t make sense to me. I intend on duplicating the machinery for the test, then running my own experiments at the shop (this winter perhaps). Any comments from our golf physicians on the TM infomercial content ? dave

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i saw the air hammer infomercial too, they guy had a orgasm every time he hit the ball. but seriously, how can they sell that driver if its not usga approved? (i noticed the disclaimer at the end)

It’s bought by guys who don’t play USGA rules – you know the type: roll the ball out of divots; one mulligan per nine; roll it over in the rough; one ball for hitting – nuther one for putting; etc., etc., etc. You know, golf, not that USGA stuff ….. — Bobby Galvez

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