Question:
I don’t consider myself a racsist. I consider myself a WRITER. In fact, to plagiarize Muhammad Ali (who has a rap sheet, BTW): I’m The Greatest.
I don’t consider you a writer. I consider you an egotistical pig. I can’t let your charges of racsism lay. I COULD mention Mike Tyson O.J. Simpson Daryl Strawberry Duane Thomas Buster Douglas Len Bias Robert Parish Magic Johnson Dave Parker Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson Michael Irvin Mercury Morris Lawrence Taylor Leon Lett Dwight Gooden…but why bother?
You just made his point for him. I agree with you that white athletes cause themselves as much grief as black athletes, however I am not responsible for societal notions.
No, but you ARE responsible for your own contribution to the overall dialogue on the subject. And by your omission, you reinforce existing notions. If you’re not part of the solution, pal, you’re part of the problem. I am not responsible for a world in which special interest groups congregate around a letter-head or an acronym and bitch about the Evil Forces that are somehow preventing them from achieving nirvana.
But it is, by all appearances, your self-annointed calling to exploit society’s injustices to further your own self-indulgance. In my satirical mode as a writer, it IS my responsibility to parody the status quo, however painful that may be to my audience.
I am only pained by the notion that you actually think you’re good at this.
Response:
[major snippage] : I don’t consider myself a racsist. I consider myself a WRITER. Sorry, but I disagree with your opinion, on both counts. : In fact, to plagiarize Muhammad Ali (who has a rap sheet, BTW): I’m The : Greatest. Uh huh. Most successful writers, even those writing satire, research their subjects first. Others have pointed out serious mistakes in your _predictions._ Here’s something that hasn’t been mentioned yet: did you know that 1961 USPGA champion Jerry Barber (mentioned in your second article) passed away last year? Did you care? — Mark Vincent, Defender of the Unending Dissertation "Not that there’s anything wrong with that!" –Jerry Seinfeld and George Costanza
Response:
Hmmm…seems to be a lot of uptight folks out there in Golfland! I can’t decide which is funnier: jmisch’s preoccupation with "facts" or RandB’s tired platitudes to universal harmony ("If your not part of the solution…"). In his (her?), reply Tunie makes a point about racism that flew over both of your heads like a Tiger Woods 2-iron. We are living in a society in which 3 out of 5 black children are raised fatherless, and 2 out of 3 young black men are within the criminal justice system. Of course, you can’t actually quote these "facts" without presenting the info with the requisite degree of guilt/sympathy because (in this case) black apologists have justified this behavior by crying "racism." Tunie is not responsible for this, he/she only lampoons the status quo, and why can’t we laugh at it? ANY group that posts numbers like THAT probably deserves to be mocked. Last Monday was Martin Luther King Day in the U.S., but instead of practicing the ideals that Dr. King preached (which would solve most of society’s problems overnight) we had a parade, I couldn’t get my snail-mail or my garbage picked up. Congratulations on a great story, Tunie. Keep ‘em coming. I think Dan Jenkins’ golf stuff is funny but I never laughed out loud at any of his stories.
Response:
(snip, snip) young phenom’s golf talent, mixed heritage and mere presence transforms the tournament into a multicultural event as the Afro-American community anticipates the crowning of a black sports hero-slash-role model without a rap sheet and a billion more Asians price titanium-shafted Big Bertha drivers.
These two stereotyped and racist comments really detract from what, for the most part, was an entertaining post. It is a greatr insult and a lie that Tiger is the first black sports hero without a rap sheet. Just think about it for a half second, if that’s possible: Michael Jordan, Michael Johnson, Julius Erving, Bill Russell, Emmitt Smith, Muhummed Ali… need I go on? Yes, quite a few pro athletes become entangled with the law, but so do white athletes. Your comment abt Asians pricing Big Berthas is just steroetypical; but mildly humourous. Greg Norman avenges his 1996 collapse to Nick Faldo and wins the coveted
green jacket Dream on, pal. This unlikely statement really detracted from what was an otherwise entertaining post. Crowd favorite Tiger Woods is nearly disqualified from the competition on the first tee for wearing shorts.
Your factually incorrect statement really detracted from what was, for the most part, an entertaining post. Wouldn’t happen. The USGA does not have any rules against wearing shorts. Forrest Fezler once wore shorts in the US Open. The PGA Tour and the PGA of America do have regulations against shorts. Besides, I don’t think Tiger, of anyone, would wear shorts. At the US Amateur semifinals last year, when it was over 95 degrees, Tiger wore long pants. Interestingly enough, the other semi winner, Steve Scott, also wore long pants, while the two losers, Robert Floyd and Joe Kribel, wore shorts. That fact may put a little light on why no pro does wear shorts in the Open. They like being hot — keeps the muscles loose. Get your facts straight. Woods’ dismal play continues throughout the Open; he later calls a press conference to announce his retirement from the game and his plans to play in the National Basketball Association.
Actually, the more I think about it, your post isn’t entertaining. It’s sickingly racist. What’s the matter? The only place a black athlete can play is the NBA?
Response:
(snip, snip) young phenom’s golf talent, mixed heritage and mere presence transforms the tournament into a multicultural event as the Afro-American community anticipates the crowning of a black sports hero-slash-role model without a rap sheet and a billion more Asians price titanium-shafted Big Bertha drivers.
These two stereotyped and racist comments really detract from what, for the most part, was an entertaining post. It is a greatr insult and a lie that Tiger is the first black sports hero without a rap sheet. Just think about it for a half second, if that’s possible: Michael Jordan, Michael Johnson, Julius Erving, Bill Russell, Emmitt Smith, Muhummed Ali… need I go on? Yes, quite a few pro athletes become entangled with the law, but so do white athletes. Your comment abt Asians pricing Big Berthas is just steroetypical; but mildly humourous.
I don’t consider myself a racsist. I consider myself a WRITER. In fact, to plagiarize Muhammad Ali (who has a rap sheet, BTW): I’m The Greatest. I write in myriad styles, and I’m The Best in all of them. This story is SATIRE, partner, so your weird criticisms were good for a chuckle…but I can’t let your charges of racsism lay. I COULD mention Mike Tyson O.J. Simpson Daryl Strawberry Duane Thomas Buster Douglas Len Bias Robert Parish Magic Johnson Dave Parker Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson Michael Irvin Mercury Morris Lawrence Taylor Leon Lett Dwight Gooden…but why bother? I agree with you that white athletes cause themselves as much grief as black athletes, however I am not responsible for societal notions. I am not responsible for a world in which special interest groups congregate around a letter-head or an acronym and bitch about the Evil Forces that are somehow preventing them from achieving nirvana. In my satirical mode as a writer, it IS my responsibility to parody the status quo, however painful that may be to my audience. It’s funny: you’re complaining about a percieved slam at African Americans, yet you consider my Asian take as "mildly humorous." Jesus! Greg Norman avenges his 1996 collapse to Nick Faldo and wins the coveted
green jacket Dream on, pal. This unlikely statement really detracted from what was an otherwise entertaining post.
See SATIRE above. Crowd favorite Tiger Woods is nearly disqualified from the competition on the first tee for wearing shorts. Your factually incorrect statement really detracted from what was, for the most part, an entertaining post. Wouldn’t happen. The USGA does not have any rules against wearing shorts. Get your facts straight.
Yessir! Just as soon as you get off my back. Woods’ dismal play continues throughout the Open; he later calls a press conference to announce his retirement from the game and his plans to play in the National Basketball Association.
Actually, the more I think about it, your post isn’t entertaining. It’s sickingly racist. What’s the matter? The only place a black athlete can play is the NBA?
Funny you should mention NBA! Check out Major Predictions, Part II. Man, I hope you’re not an old, short dude with ugly legs. And please: stop thinking. Peace. Music & Lyrics by Ruben Carstairs Special thanks to Adolph Coors WE HAVE THE FANGS OF ANIMALS -J.P. Donleavy
Response:
FORE: interj. Used by a golfer to warn anyone within range of the probable line of flight of his ball. FORESIGHT: noun. Am act of looking forward; esp: a view forward at the probable future of golf. For example: APRIL 1997: The Masters The eyes of the world focus on Tiger Woods’ first appearance as a touring professional on the hallowed fairways of Augusta National. The young phenom’s golf talent, mixed heritage and mere presence transforms the tournament into a multicultural event as the Afro-American community anticipates the crowning of a black sports hero-slash-role model without a rap sheet and a billion more Asians price titanium-shafted Big Bertha drivers. Unfortunately, the intense spotlight on Woods – from the gallery to the CBS-TV camera crews to the tournament officials themselves – ignores and allows the rest of the field to phone in their scores. Greg Norman avenges his 1996 collapse to Nick Faldo and wins the coveted green jacket while never leaving the sanctity of Augusta National’s locker room. Ironically, Norman once again loses the $320,000 winner’s share to Faldo in order to pay off a series of ill-advised, double-or-nothing gin rummy bets. Woods’ disappointing finish (tied for 34th) nevertheless qualifies him for the 1998 Masters (top 24 finishers plus ties plus anybody named Tiger Woods). Perennial gallery favorite Arnold Palmer mailed in his scores and once again failed to make the 36-hole cut. JUNE 1997: The United States Open An oppresive heat wave at Congressional Country Club conjures memories of the 1964 Open, when Ken Venturi overcame the field and heat stroke to earn his lone major championship and Televised Golf Know-It-All License. Crowd favorite Tiger Woods is nearly disqualified from the competition on the first tee for wearing shorts. The quick-thinking rookie explains away his fashion gaffe by claiming his attire is consistent with traditional golfing garb, similar in style to "plus fours," so-called because the pant leg hem hangs four inches below the knee. The Nike Company seizes the moment and immediately begins mass marketing "Tiger Woods Minus Four" golf trousers. Payne Stewart, the only player in golf with a plus fours clothing contract is overheard commenting: "I’d wear those Minus Fours if you paid me." Woods’ dismal play continues throughout the Open; he later calls a press conference to announce his retirement from the game and his plans to play in the National Basketball Association. The tournament itself rekindles the U.S. Open playoff format argument as many players tie for first and qualify to play in a forty-sixsome in Monday’s 18-hole playoff. History is made as for the first time the number of competitors far outnumber the gallery (who are all watching Woods’ press conference). The title is ultimately won Monday evening by Curtis Strange in a putt-off on the practice green with Fred Funk under the illuminating glare of Ronnie Black’s car headlights. Newspaper headline writers have a field day in the Tuesday morning sports editions. Strange credits O.J. Simpson after his victory for inspiring him to work on his game at night. COMING IN 1997 MAJOR PREDICTIONS, PART II: The British Open & PGA!!!!! Music & Lyrics by Ruben Carstairs Special thanks to Adolph Coors WE HAVE THE FANGS OF ANIMALS -J.P. Donleavy