Question:
Dear Andy: I truly empathize with your need to increase your time playing golf. I have reached a point in my life where I have both the time and the financial resources to be on a private golf course as many days a week as I like, and as the weather permits. I would truly like to help you with your endeavour, as I have helped others by contributing generously, and often to those "charities". Therefore, I will add you to my list of Most Worthy Recipients, but, at first, you will have a low priority rating, below the following: 1. The PGA Tour. This needy group has aked for my support. As I see PGA Tour pros slip down on the money list, many falling below the 1 million dollar a year mark, I rush to my checkbook to help them avoid destitution. 2. The Biltmore Estate Fund. On a recent vivit to Asheville, NC, after playing the wonderful Donald Ross/ Reese Jones course at the Grove Park Inn, I visited the Biltmore Estate, owned by the Vanderbilt family. Tickets for the tour cost about $30, but upon leaving the estate house, a box for donations was prominently displayed. Unfortunately, I was without sufficient cash to make a proper donation, so I will again go to my checkbook to help save the prestige and social status of the Vanderbilts. 3. Callaway Golf. The lower prices advertised for the new Steelheads, and the drop in price of the Warbirds have made me apprehensive about the financial future of this company. Although donations have not yet been solicited by Callaway, my checkbook will be handy when that time inevitably comes. 4. The Rolex Watch Company. Lately, I have seen fewer and fewer players sporting Rolex timepieces on televised golf events. This has made me wonder about the stability of the Rolex Company in the world of golf. Furthermore, I know of no Swiss golfer among the leaders on tour. If asked, I would feel obligated to consider sponsoring such a player. 5. Various other people on this Newsgroup who have generously offered to improve my putting, driving, course management, and financial management, totally free of charge. Although I have not needed their assistance, I feel that I owe them something in return for their making the offer. So, Andy, unless you happen to be Swiss and are eligible for the 1999 PGA Tour, your request will be number 6 on my list. Of course, it is possible for you to advance on the list if any of those above you declare themselves non-profit organizations with no desire for money. In the meanwhile, if you are ever visiting Atlanta, and have time for golf, I will treat you to a round, perhaps not at my current club, as I may no longer have the money for that, but there is a nice little Muni nearby that charges only $5. -Robby P. — "It is not permitted to the most equitable of men to be a judge in his own cause." (Blaise Pascal, "Pensees", 1670) The "Pensees Nouvelles", a multisubject magazine on the World Wide Web, may be found at: http://www.emory.edu/PATHOLOGY/PENSEES Vol. 3, No.2 is now on line, and features: 1. A Classification of the Single MALT Lymphomas 2. A Short Story on Golf by Murpeey Mulligan
Response:
Somebody get the net! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Act now! Your donation to my organization is desperately needed. While you delay, my golf games is slowly deteriorating. Soon it will no longer be viable. Unless you act now. Right now. My golf game, that has taken nearly 30 years to blossom into maturity, will needlessly go to waste. For the cost of a golf club a day, you can sponsor this me. You, and you alone, can give me the daily green fee, and other nominal costs of playing golf that I desperately need. Think of the fun I’ll have playing golf. Golf that you work so hard to provide me. Think how grateful I’ll be. (Please don’t contact me after you’ve sent your donation. I will be much to busy to talk to you.) If you’d like to sponsor my golf. We have the following three programs. Red Tee Program. $20 per day. Allows me to play a municipal course. White Tee Program. $50 per day. Allows me to play a semi private course. Blue Tee Program. $100 per day. Allows me to play a nice private course. Tiger Tee Program. $300 per day. Allows me to play Pebble Beach. This is the best value. If you’d like to sponsor more than one golfer, all I can say is, it’s much better if you just send more money to me. That way, I can spend even more money on my golf. I accept cash…which is best. Checks…as long as they don’t bounce. Credit cards…all kinds. Please hurry, as this is a urgent problem that I know you’ll want to fix right away. Thank you.
Response:
I think you’ll need a golfing financial advisor, will advise for green fees and lunch money. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Act now! Your donation to my organization is desperately needed. While you delay, my golf games is slowly deteriorating. Soon it will no longer be viable. Unless you act now. Right now. My golf game, that has taken nearly 30 years to blossom into maturity, will needlessly go to waste. For the cost of a golf club a day, you can sponsor this me. You, and you alone, can give me the daily green fee, and other nominal costs of playing golf that I desperately need. Think of the fun I’ll have playing golf. Golf that you work so hard to provide me. Think how grateful I’ll be. (Please don’t contact me after you’ve sent your donation. I will be much to busy to talk to you.) If you’d like to sponsor my golf. We have the following three programs. Red Tee Program. $20 per day. Allows me to play a municipal course. White Tee Program. $50 per day. Allows me to play a semi private course. Blue Tee Program. $100 per day. Allows me to play a nice private course. Tiger Tee Program. $300 per day. Allows me to play Pebble Beach. This is the best value. If you’d like to sponsor more than one golfer, all I can say is, it’s much better if you just send more money to me. That way, I can spend even more money on my golf. I accept cash…which is best. Checks…as long as they don’t bounce. Credit cards…all kinds. Please hurry, as this is a urgent problem that I know you’ll want to fix right away. Thank you.
Response:
Act now! Your donation to my organization is desperately needed. While you delay, my golf games is slowly deteriorating. Soon it will no longer be viable. Unless you act now. Right now. My golf game, that has taken nearly 30 years to blossom into maturity, will needlessly go to waste. For the cost of a golf club a day, you can sponsor this me. You, and you alone, can give me the daily green fee, and other nominal costs of playing golf that I desperately need. Think of the fun I’ll have playing golf. Golf that you work so hard to provide me. Think how grateful I’ll be. (Please don’t contact me after you’ve sent your donation. I will be much to busy to talk to you.) If you’d like to sponsor my golf. We have the following three programs. Red Tee Program. $20 per day. Allows me to play a municipal course. White Tee Program. $50 per day. Allows me to play a semi private course. Blue Tee Program. $100 per day. Allows me to play a nice private course. Tiger Tee Program. $300 per day. Allows me to play Pebble Beach. This is the best value. If you’d like to sponsor more than one golfer, all I can say is, it’s much better if you just send more money to me. That way, I can spend even more money on my golf. I accept cash…which is best. Checks…as long as they don’t bounce. Credit cards…all kinds. Please hurry, as this is a urgent problem that I know you’ll want to fix right away. Thank you.
Response:
this was good. thanks for the chuckle. rian